1. Beatrice is a homestead wife checking the mail and conversing with her friend Leonato, and his daughter Hero, when along comes the town messenger frantic, ecstatically announcing the arrival of the army regimen from the town:
LEONATO ( Opening the friendly conversation with an interesting piece of trivia, RC - LC)
I learn in this letter that Don Peter of Arragon
comes this night to Messina.
Messenger (Frantic, full of excitement and barley able to speak the words from lack of breath, running from off stage left to LC)
He is very near by this: he was not three leagues off
when I left him.
LEONATO (not knowing what to do, he says the only thing that comes to mind, with legitimate concern, but fear as well, sort of stepping forward towards the messenger)
How many gentlemen have you lost in this action?
Messenger ( with a degree of reassurance, and as he says it he puts a hand to Leonato's back, to reassure him of the absence of bad news)
But few of any sort, and none of name.
(A pause, Leonato fills with joy after the realization of the victory in the fighting)
LEONATO ( with feeling, stepping to the front of the stage. He speaks with a sense of triumph. Loudly, from DR to front right of stage)
A victory is twice itself when the achiever brings
home full numbers. I find here that Don Peter hath
bestowed much honour on a young Florentine called Claudio.
Messenger ( Another statement full of reassurance and explanation. He is speaking to reinforce Leonato's realization. The the war had been won, by speaking what he has heard of the people from the town. steps out to the front of the stage alongside Leonato)
Much deserved on his part and equally remembered by
Don Pedro: he hath borne himself beyond the
promise of his age, doing, in the figure of a lamb,
the feats of a lion: he hath indeed better
bettered expectation than you must expect of me to
tell you how.
LEONATO ( With excitement and a happy face, thinking out loud really.)
He hath an uncle here in Messina will be very much
glad of it.
Messenger ( Saying what he can to continue the conversation, and adding onto what Leonato had said. Speaking quickly)
I have already delivered him letters, and there
appears much joy in him; even so much that joy could
not show itself modest enough without a badge of
bitterness.
(A moment for Leonato to really absorb the news, a moment of silence.)
LEONATO (With legitimate feeling, a serious question. Smiling)
Did he break out into tears?
Messenger ( In a joyous reply)
In great measure.
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2.. In the suburbs, Beatrice is a woman who has had a terrible experience with Benedick, who is returning from his tour in Afghanistan where he served fixing computers; she really hates that everyone views him as a war hero when all he did was fix computers. It puts Beatrice in a really bad mood. And her friend Leonato tries to calm her down as she screams at her cousin the messenger who is delivering the news. Outside of a stereotypical house in the suburbs.
BEATRICE (stepping forward, with extreme sarcasm, texting)
I
wars or no?
Messenger ( With a joking sarcasm to dismiss the obvious insult and advance the conversation)
I know none of that name, lady: there was none such
in the army of any sort.
LEONATO ( Oblivious to the play on words by Beatrice, he asks stupidly. He steps up behind her but she swats him back)
What is he that you ask for, niece?
HERO (aware of Beatrice's mood, she answers quickly and quietly to avoid a snappy remark from her)
My cousin means Signior Benedick of Padua.
Messenger ( Playing off of Beatrice's mood, making a clever joke knowing the response he will receive from Beatrice. With a smile)
O, he's returned; and as pleasant as ever he was.
BEATRICE ( Angrily putting her phone away so she can use her hands to display her feelings about her words. She is venting everything she can come up with about Benedick. With anger and exasperation)
He set up his bills here in Messina and challenged
the challenge, subscribed for Cupid, and challenged
him at the bird-bolt. I pray you, how many hath he
killed and eaten in these wars? But how many hath
he killed? for indeed I promised to eat all of his killing.
LEONATO ( Stepping forward again to calm down Beatrice, as he really hates when she gets into her fits. but again he receives a deadly glare at the end of his statement and he retreats to his house, shutting the door hurriedly)
Faith, niece, you tax Signior Benedick too much;
but he'll be meet with you, I doubt it not.
Messenger ( Tapping Beatrice to bring her back to reality and out of her imagining of all the things she could say about benedick. He tries to solicit an even more violent response with this statement, but laughing as well.)
He hath done good service, lady, in these wars.
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3. Outside of the Household of a very rich Leonato, who is very submissive only to his favorite niece Beatrice, who is almost verbally attacking the butler(messenger) when he is trying to defend a war hero who Beatrice adores but openly attacks him because she cannot have him. The waiter is holding a silver tray. Leonato is dressed in a morning suit while Beatrice is in a big dress.
LEONATO ( apologizing to the waiter for the terrible manor of his niece, but being careful not to upset her. walking in between Beatrice and messenger)
You must not, sir, mistake my niece. There is a
kind of merry war betwixt Signior Benedick and her:
they never meet but there's a skirmish of wit
between them.
BEATRICE ( assertively, she steps in front of her uncle, who steps aside without trouble. She is spewing all of the negative things she has to say about Benedick in a barrage of negative emotion. With anger)
Alas! he gets nothing by that. In our last
conflict four of his five wits went halting off, and
now is the whole man governed with one: so that if
he have wit enough to keep himself warm, let him
bear it for a difference between himself and his
horse; for it is all the wealth that he hath left,
to be known a reasonable creature. Who is his
companion now? He hath every month a new sworn brother.
Messenger ( In fake amusement as to not receive physical punishment as well as the verbal one. while putting the refreshments that Beatrice ordered from the tray onto the table)
Is't possible?
BEATRICE ( She speaks to make messenger pay for the patronizing nature of his voice, and with the last word of the statement she knocks the tray out of his hands spilling all the drinks all over the ground.)
Very easily possible: he wears his faith but as
the fashion of his hat; it ever changes with the
next block.
Messenger ( In a suppressed fury, he looks at Leonato in extreme disapproval for allowing his niece to act this way in his presence. He bends over to begin cleaning the mess and Leonato says nothing, he just looks back with hopelessness because there's nothing he can do about the situation)
I see, lady, the gentleman is not in your books.
BEATRICE ( Continuing her rant)
No; an he were, I would burn my study. But, I pray
you, who is his companion? Is there no young
squarer now that will make a voyage with him to the devil?
Messenger ( Pointing out an interesting fact to try to avoid the anger he feels towards Beatrice's behavior)
He is most in the company of the right noble Claudio.
BEATRICE ( She stops and thinks, she is disappointing. She begins to walk off and speaks as she slowly walks away, she is stating this as if Claudio has just signed up for his own death and she is just thinking, "Ehh it's his funeral.")
O Lord, he will hang upon him like a disease: he
is sooner caught than the pestilence, and the taker
runs presently mad. God help the noble Claudio! if
he have caught the Benedick, it will cost him a
thousand pound ere a' be cured.----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4. At a bar, Beatrice is a single mom who Benedick left and this is the first time that they had met since then. She saw him and saw red, this was her chance to finally let out all of the things that she had been wanting to say to him since they split. She is furious and he is trying to carefully diffuse the situation.
BENEDICK (Saying in defense of himself, he is yelling while standing rather far from Beatrice. he is yelling in defense though, to assert himself but also trying to justify himself. He sort of paces first, then proceeds to speak)
If Signior Leonato be her father, she would not
have his head on her shoulders for all Messina, as
like him as she is.
BEATRICE ( In a terribly snappy way, she talks as if surprised that his first statement proceeded hers. She is surprised at his audacity to speak first.)
I wonder that you will still be talking, Signior
Benedick: nobody marks you.
BENEDICK (As if her speaking this way had been a constant source of conflict in their previous relationship, he comes back with an equally sarcastic comment. He puts his hand on ihs waists in exaggeration.)
What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living?
BEATRICE ( Using his comment as a way to attack him again. Entirely sarcastic, she insults what he thinks of himself. She waves her hands around and speaks with bows in the tone of her voice.)
Is it possible disdain should die while she hath
such meet food to feed it as Signior Benedick?
Courtesy itself must convert to disdain, if you come
in her presence.
BENEDICK ( At this point it is evident that this sort of argument had happened many times before and is going as usual. people pass the alley and stare at them, but it affects them not.)
Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I
am loved of all ladies, only you excepted: and I
would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard
heart; for, truly, I love none.
BEATRICE ( She advances on him with extreme emotion, as if begging for an answer to a question that would put her at peace.)
A dear happiness to women: they would else have
been troubled with a pernicious suitor. I thank God
and my cold blood, I am of your humour for that: I
had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man
swear he loves me.
BENEDICK ( Trying to insult her in a way that she would understand. Trying to demean her but essentially, trying to move the focus of the conversation from him to her.)
God keep your ladyship still in that mind! so some
gentleman or other shall 'scape a predestinate
scratched face.
BEATRICE ( absorbing and reflecting, afterwards she smiles with a sense of accomplishment)
Scratching could not make it worse, an 'twere such
a face as yours were.
BENEDICK (A pointless comment, as it is the only thing he can think to say. He just tries to move the awkward silence from himself to Beatrice.)
Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher.
BEATRICE ( taking his pointless comment and turning it into a smooth flow of insult)
A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours.
BENEDICK ( He pauses for a moment while he tries to gather his thoughts, he turns around and pretends to check his phone as to not embarrass himself. He then turns and says whatever his mind can make of this broken conversation. After his statement he makes eye contact for one more instant then proceeds to walk to his car.)
I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and
so good a continuer. But keep your way, i' God's
name; I have done.
BEATRICE ( She knows she has won and says this to try and assert it as he walks off. She screams, then exits.)
You always end with a jade's trick: I know you of old.
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5. Claudio and Benedick are long-time best friends standing in the locker hall of whatever local High School they attended. Benedick is the ladies man whom everyone loves. Claudio isn't quite as extroverted as Benedick, but he certainly does want to say something when he sees a new girl in the school walk by; Her name is Hero.
CLAUDIO (Claudio and Benedick are leaning against the lockers when Claudio notices Hero, his head follow her body as she crosses the center of the stage and exits without a word. She comes from offstage left to offstage right.)
Benedick, didst thou note the daughter of Signior Leonato?
BENEDICK ( dismissing it as regular conversation, without thinking he responds)
I noted her not; but I looked on her.
CLAUDIO ( Not really looking for an honest answer, he is just thinking about her out loud. )
Is she not a modest young lady?
BENEDICK ( He shuts his locker and recognizes that the conversation has gone from mindless banter to a serious situation. He looks intently at Claudio when he asks this, and Claudio is still looking down the hall as if she will reappear to walk back across the hallway.)
Do you question me, as an honest man should do, for
my simple true judgment; or would you have me speak
after my custom, as being a professed tyrant to their sex?
CLAUDIO ( He finally looks back at Benedick, and he puts his hand on Benedick's shoulder and speaks as to assure him he was serious with a hint of disbelief in his voice)
No; I pray thee speak in sober judgment.
BENEDICK (After he realizes the serious nature of Claudio's request he stops for a second and puts his hand on his chin stroking the few hairs he recently acquired there. He then answers seriously)
Why, i' faith, methinks she's too low for a high
praise, too brown for a fair praise and too little
for a great praise: only this commendation I can
afford her, that were she other than she is, she
were unhandsome; and being no other but as she is, I
do not like her.
CLAUDIO (Not phased by the negative reply he received from his friend, he quickly asks his next question. He did not register Benedick's first statement as a serious answer.)
Thou thinkest I am in sport: I pray thee tell me
truly how thou likest her.
BENEDICK ( Speaking as if trying to bring his friend to an obvious realization.
Would you buy her, that you inquire after her?
CLAUDIO (Overcome with his new found feelings for this girl. The bell rings and both parties silently parade to class after a nod of understanding from Benedick.
Can the world buy such a jewel?
Scene 2:
1. Leonato, the father of a young and beautiful Hero, learns of some somewhat troublesome news when his brother tells him that his friend overheard the town misfit, Claudio talking to Prince about Claudio's new found love for Hero. He learns this from his brother Antonio who he hasn't seen in forever.
Enter LEONATO and ANTONIO, meeting
LEONATO (In a jolly way, he walks to his his brother and embraces him as he attempts to catch up with his brother who hasn't been around in a while.)
How now, brother! Where is my cousin, your son?
hath he provided this music?
ANTONIO ( With an unexpectedly negative tone, as if something was amiss)
He is very busy about it. But, brother, I can tell
you strange news that you yet dreamt not of.
(They both sit)
LEONATO (Trying to find the source of the lack of excitement.)
Are they good?
ANTONIO (He takes a deep breath, to prepare himself to deliver news that he knew would upset his brother. After Leonatio stands and paces around the stage in frustration.)
As the event stamps them: but they have a good
cover; they show well outward. The prince and Count
Claudio, walking in a thick-pleached alley in mine
orchard, were thus much overheard by a man of mine:
the prince discovered to Claudio that he loved my
niece your daughter and meant to acknowledge it
this night in a dance: and if he found her
accordant, he meant to take the present time by the
top and instantly break with you of it.
LEONATO ( After thought, he asks quickly as to make sure the information was legitimate.)
Hath the fellow any wit that told you this?
ANTONIO (As to assure that what he was saying is true, and proving it)
A good sharp fellow: I will send for him; and
question him yourself.
LEONATO (He stops to think. He pours himself a drink of his whiskey that he saves for special occasions. Then he has a look as if he has just hatched an absolutely brilliant idea. Then as the servants enter, Antonio jumps up and exits as Leonato finished his statement)
No, no; we will hold it as a dream till it appear
itself: but I will acquaint my daughter withal,
that she may be the better prepared for an answer,
if peradventure this be true. Go you and tell her of it.
Enter Attendants
Cousins, you know what you have to do. O, I cry you
mercy, friend; go you with me, and I will use your
skill. Good cousin, have a care this busy time.
Scene 3:
1. Next door to Leonato and Antonio, Don John and Comrade, are catching up. Don John reveals a certain darkness about himself, Don John is depressed and doesn't leave the house much and Comrade is trying to cheer him up.
Enter DON JOHN and CONRADE
CONRADE (In a cheery voice he enters the room after Don John, and grabs a root beer out of the fridge for him. They sit down and Comrade ignores the usual sadness of Don John and recognizes it like he has never seen it before.)
What the good-year, my lord! why are you thus out
of measure sad?
DON JOHN (He accepts the refreshment and sets it down. He can not convey and joy as he feel none, and he just flat out answers the question, not feeling sorry for himself. He just answers the question.
There is no measure in the occasion that breeds;
therefore the sadness is without limit.
CONRADE ( He tries to steer the conversation back in a positive direction, with a hand on Don John's shoulder, with care)
You should hear reason.
DON JOHN (He doesn't move. He just speaks as if he wants what his friend is saying to work, but he knows that i won't)
And when I have heard it, what blessing brings it?
CONRADE ( He gets up and, with a hint of anger)
If not a present remedy, at least a patient
sufferance.
DON JOHN (To try to get what is going on with him clear, he explains as if he had 100 times before)
I wonder that thou, being, as thou sayest thou art,
born under Saturn, goest about to apply a moral
medicine to a mortifying mischief. I cannot hide
what I am: I must be sad when I have cause and smile
at no man's jests, eat when I have stomach and wait
for no man's leisure, sleep when I am drowsy and
tend on no man's business, laugh when I am merry and
claw no man in his humour.
CONRADE (Pacing around the room with a mixture of anger and frustration, he thinks after Don John speaks, trying to make what he has to say actually make a difference unlike the others that have tried to cheer Don John up before him)
Yea, but you must not make the full show of this
till you may do it without controlment. You have of
late stood out against your brother, and he hath
ta'en you newly into his grace; where it is
impossible you should take true root but by the
fair weather that you make yourself: it is needful
that you frame the season for your own harvest.
DON JOHN (Effortlessly shrugs off what Comrade had to say and continues with his wallowing.)
I had rather be a canker in a hedge than a rose in
his grace, and it better fits my blood to be
disdained of all than to fashion a carriage to rob
love from any: in this, though I cannot be said to
be a flattering honest man, it must not be denied
but I am a plain-dealing villain. I am trusted with
a muzzle and enfranchised with a clog; therefore I
have decreed not to sing in my cage. If I had my
mouth, I would bite; if I had my liberty, I would do
my liking: in the meantime let me be that I am and
seek not to alter me.
CONRADE (Comrade sits down, nods and acknowledges that he cant saw Don John. he simply attempts to end the conversation.
Can you make no use of your discontent?
DON JOHN ( Don John gets up to leave the room, stops at the door, smiles and delivers his message.)
I make all use of it, for I use it only.
Who comes here?
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2. Two mild friends are standing in the courtyard during a break. Don John is just sitting at a table when Borachio comes to introduce an interesting piece of information concerning Borachio's ex. He is just venting to him because Don John is the first friend that Borachio saw after he found out.
What news, Borachio? (Don John say Borachio coming and it was obvious that something was bothering him so he figured he's ask. With an un-amused tone.)
BORACHIO (Storming to the table and sitting loudly while he exclaims his statement. He makes sure that Don John is aware of his anger.)
I came yonder from a great supper: the prince your
brother is royally entertained by Leonato: and I
can give you intelligence of an intended marriage.
DON JOHN (He offers a joke as a way to pacify his anger a bit, but the attempt is wasted, as he does not even respond to the joke. So Don John just takes a sip of his water and begins to walk off.
Will it serve for any model to build mischief on?
What is he for a fool that betroths himself to
unquietness?
BORACHIO (Don John stops in his tracks and turns around and he stands in utter disbelief.)
Marry, it is your brother's right hand.
DON JOHN ( Don John storms back to the table to try to find out what is going on, he slams the table with his statement.)
Who? the most exquisite Claudio?
BORACHIO (quietly, aware of the anger he has brought forth from Borachio)
Even he.
DON JOHN (Being sarcastic and hateful)
A proper squire! And who, and who? which way looks
he?
BORACHIO (To confirm the feelings that they were both feeling. They both stand and think, then they leave, both in anger.)
Marry, on Hero, the daughter and heir of Leonato.
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